"Don’t be defined by your condition" often seems to mean "pretend your condition doesn’t shape your life or else".
"Don’t let [traumatic life-altering event that causes long-term emotional, mental, and physical health problems] define you" often seems to mean "stop talking about [traumatic life-altering event] and pretend it never happened and doesn’t shape your life or else".
This is an important point.
"if you’re so stressed out from school why don’t you just study more or take fewer classes??"
So many men have internalized the lie that they have uncontrollable sex drives, and no way to control their anger. They aren’t ashamed of their abusive behavior because they see it as a something natural to them and maybe even central to their masculinity. It’s scary as hell.